Waitin 2 go BaLiStiC....

Can't sleep
cuz my heart
goes
beat beat beat
drop him
or keep him
drop him
or keep him
drop him
or...
Ahhh fuk it all
I don't have energy
for all this bullshit
my hearts to weary
to play games
with cupid
so I say mean things
and then I walk away
and never ever again
give you the time of day
start all over...
hope for something different
anything, I pray...
Anything is what I get
so I started changin my prayer
asked for a tall man
w/ braided dark hair
preferably hispanic
because they make good lovers
and he's gotta be fresh
especially when we get under the covers
and that hasn't come
&& I've been chillin...
waitin...
patiently debatin...
wondering if I should pray again...
A little less specific...
But nah...
Ill just sit here...
And wait...
Until I go balistic

Unknown

"I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I will stop missing you"
-author
unknown
how appropriate
unknown
like the love I feel for you
like the amount of times
you dash through my mind
because I won't let u stay long
unknown
like all the times you broke my heart
and left it laying in a heap on the floor
pumping blood everywhere
like a graphic movie of horror
unknown
like how you had a baby by her
so now you need to be with her
you feel the need to move
to another state
to be with her
but its unknown to me
if u truely care for her
if she truely cares for you
I find it hard to believe
that she can care for you
like I care for you
but does it matter now?
unknown
like how I would prefer her existance in your life
unknown
are her thoughts of me
is her awareness of me
she doesn't even know
you
and I
existed.
More so...
LOVED
what if I told her
what would she say?
Its like a lost cause
like a catch 22
if I say something I lose you
if I don't say something
I still lose you
why ruin whatever it is you have
when it seems better left
unsaid
unknown
you chose her
I let the tear fall from my eye
into the atlantic ocean
&
since it is all
unknown
to you
there's a slim chance
you will ever find it.
But yet...
I still torture myself
by missing you.

my man

I wish I wouldve found u at 15
so we could create memories
the kind that only last
for those truely meant to be
like remember the time
you gave me that note
about miss green and then
we both got caught
she made us walk to the office
and as I sat there next to you
I knew that its was only time
before our friendship grew
started chillin at the bus stop
long after our friends left
offered to walk me home
in heaven with each step
and when I went to cross the street
is when you grabbed my hand
I looked straight in your eyes
& knew you'd be my man
a few months past
chillin at this dudes crib
we went to get some water
and had our 1st kiss
a few years going strong
and then you spent the night
bleed for the 1st time
but I knew it was alright
I wish I wouldve found you at 15
to create this time now gone
but baby I'm ready to start making memories
that will last forever long.

chill out?

i dont understand how some people can live so lightly. like the thoughts in my head are so heavy that i dont see how to get through them. without therapy or meds, i cant see getting through these trying times. when i lay down at night i think deeper and deeper. i cannot fathom ignoring my thoughts. it just doesnt seem possible. yet people day after day live with no worries and i would love to do the same. i want to chill out. but how. how when the thoughts dont stop. from what i hear people speak about in the grocery store to the music i listen to. there are so many things to learn and so many things to take heed to. so i continue to think and analyze. maybe i over analyze. but how can i stop?

Redesign ur mind
reassociate every thought
sit back & rewind
relocate ur sanity
to an insane place
reestablish yourself
in a world full of haste
if you reevaulated
yourself to critque
it all
would u last till the end?
Or just stumble & fall?
Reconnect with the truth
because it sets you free
release all hatred,
anger and greed
just relinquish the flames
let revival come
and relearn all truths
REFRESH
RENEW
RELOVE